E-mails from an old conservative

Every so often, when I wake up crusty-eyed to meet the glorious day, I'm blessed to find that some words of wisdom, power, and grace have alighted in my inbox through the seraphic vehicle of internet forwards. These are most often from my uncle Mike, although Aunt Susan gets in the mix occasionally, as do some other members of Mom's side of the family. (My dad chimes in once in a red, white, and blue moon with some culturally conservative stuff about how everything was better back then, whenever then was.) I've posted one or two before, with comments about how I can't believe people think like this, etc., but now I just find them somewhat amusing.

So today I've decided to start a recurring series of posts entitled "E-mails from an Old Conservative," chronicling what beatific knowledge or sentiment may have been bestowed upon me that day. Usually, they involve war, but we'll not ask What Would Jesus Forward?

From Uncle Mike:

Subject: FW: FW: the soldier

AMEN!

-------Original Message-------

It is the soldier, not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the soldier, not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the soldier, not the campus organizer,
who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.
It is the soldier, not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It is the soldier,
who salutes the flag,
who serves under the flag,
and whose coffin is draped by the flag,
who allows the protester to burn the flag.
American Freedom
Don't take it lightly!
Please support our troops by passing this message

His truth is marching on, yes, yes. Good thing that was a police action and those weren't soldiers in Kosovo, right Mr. DeLay?

Next up . . .

Subject: Fw: AGREE OR DELETE

I AGREE

-----Original Message-----

It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a mess about having "In God We Trust" on our money and having God in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell the 14% to Sit Down and SHUT UP!!!
If you agree, pass this on, if not delete. . .

OK, pulling my tongue out of my cheek, let me just say that I'm not mocking my family for their religious beliefs, just poking fun. But this Norman Rockwell (Rockwellian?) idea of God wearing an American flag for a cape is disheartening. Somewhere along the way, both sides of my family picked up conservatism—actually, Republicanism—as a mantra, and now any critical thought they put into politics is devoted to rationalizing whatever misstep Bush, et al., has just made. It's weird. For once, and I may have said this before, I'd just like to hear them say something negative about the administration, only to prove to me that they were actually considering the issues and not just the political parties. Just once. Where I come from, liberal is a four-letter word.

I'm a little surprised that this irks me so; two years ago I could've cared less about any of this. I wonder what changed?