Typical Matty stuff

Girls, if you’re going to wear a really tight shirt that showcases your femininity, fine. I’ll do my best to surreptitiously take my peek. But if you insist on wearing such a shirt that also has clever-looking, albeit curvaceously distorted, text or drawings sprawled across your chest, I’m going to take that as a tacit invitation to stare at your knockers. If I were to ever wear form-fitting spandex shorts with a phrase like “Texas is for lovers” running the length of my masculinity—in normal-sized font, no less, oh yeah!—you’d assume I was asking for the attention. Ah, and so my apparent quest for celibacy continues.