Amazing. Simply amazing.
You know, I realize now that it really couldn't have ended any other way. Not with my history. Not with it being the very end of my college career. Whatever happened would have to epitomize the last five years of my life, and so it did.
At around 3.30 a.m. this morning, while we were in my bedroom looking at photographs after watching a movie on my couch and immediately after I had tried to kiss her, she tells me "I can't," because she "kinda" has a boyfriend in Colorado. This, to remind you, was after dinner at Casino and a drink at Lovejoy's, during which time we conversed pleasantly in the fashion of a typical getting-to-know-you first date that is going extremely well. In fact, whatever it is this non-date was had played out identically to the last actual date I went on about a year and a half ago, right down to watching a movie on the couch afterward, and in that case a kiss was totally warranted, probably expected.
But you know what she said next?
"I haven't seen him in months." What? So while my brain is spinning, trying to process what the hell is happening, she follows up with, "Sorry, I have a hard time figuring out how to tell people about it." Because, she continues, she doesn't want to just blurt it out and have the guy be like, well, I wasn't thinking about that to begin with.
At this point we're just sitting there on my bed, about three feet apart, just looking at each other, and she's not saying shit. I start blathering about something, I'm not sure what. I still can't believe this is happening. But, you know, I kind of can. Because I didn't say shit. I'm sitting there thinking (A) I missed Grady's party for nothing, (B) surely she realizes it's 3.30 in the fucking morning, which is just a little past the "friends" zone, and (C) why am I the one backtracking and saying that it's cool and we should still hang out and stuff? And you know what, even though she was completely in the wrong about everything tonight, I didn't say a word. I didn't stand up for myself. These things probably wouldn't happen so much if I didn't let people walk all over me like this.
Maybe I just don't understand how...well, I just don't get it.
That's two "I can't"s in the past six months. It only goes to show that the more things change, they more they stay the same, and the better you get at them. Incredible.
God, you know what the biggest irony of the night was? We had just finished watching Do the Right Thing.
You know, I realize now that it really couldn't have ended any other way. Not with my history. Not with it being the very end of my college career. Whatever happened would have to epitomize the last five years of my life, and so it did.
At around 3.30 a.m. this morning, while we were in my bedroom looking at photographs after watching a movie on my couch and immediately after I had tried to kiss her, she tells me "I can't," because she "kinda" has a boyfriend in Colorado. This, to remind you, was after dinner at Casino and a drink at Lovejoy's, during which time we conversed pleasantly in the fashion of a typical getting-to-know-you first date that is going extremely well. In fact, whatever it is this non-date was had played out identically to the last actual date I went on about a year and a half ago, right down to watching a movie on the couch afterward, and in that case a kiss was totally warranted, probably expected.
But you know what she said next?
"I haven't seen him in months." What? So while my brain is spinning, trying to process what the hell is happening, she follows up with, "Sorry, I have a hard time figuring out how to tell people about it." Because, she continues, she doesn't want to just blurt it out and have the guy be like, well, I wasn't thinking about that to begin with.
At this point we're just sitting there on my bed, about three feet apart, just looking at each other, and she's not saying shit. I start blathering about something, I'm not sure what. I still can't believe this is happening. But, you know, I kind of can. Because I didn't say shit. I'm sitting there thinking (A) I missed Grady's party for nothing, (B) surely she realizes it's 3.30 in the fucking morning, which is just a little past the "friends" zone, and (C) why am I the one backtracking and saying that it's cool and we should still hang out and stuff? And you know what, even though she was completely in the wrong about everything tonight, I didn't say a word. I didn't stand up for myself. These things probably wouldn't happen so much if I didn't let people walk all over me like this.
Maybe I just don't understand how...well, I just don't get it.
That's two "I can't"s in the past six months. It only goes to show that the more things change, they more they stay the same, and the better you get at them. Incredible.
God, you know what the biggest irony of the night was? We had just finished watching Do the Right Thing.
posted by Matt at 2:25 AM
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