Life lessons of the mildly inebriated
As if politics, relationships, and television weren't evidence enough that the world is a stupid, stupid place, I'm here tonight to ... well, I'm just here. They say that good writers simply tell people what they already knew, and what follows will probably fall squarely into that category. Prepare to be amazed...
Lesson #1: Never shave impatiently — especially after a few drinks.
If you do, make sure some T.P. is handy. Trust me.
Lesson #2: If you have the time to pursue an activity you enjoy, you probably can't afford it. And vice versa.
Case in point, let's say I miss black and white photography, shooting Meanest Capacity shows, and ... I dunno ... silhouettes.
Alas, my unemployed ass has not the funds for a new lens board for my enlarger nor for supplies with which to print. And my friends' band broke up long ago to pursue life, liberty, and rent money. I hear they might come back, though. Pretty please?
Lesson #5: Everything hits at once.
After floating aimlessly for the last couple weeks, wondering what I would do all summer, I suddenly have occupations galore. The Texan wants me to work four days a week, the woman up in Philly wants to send me buku more freelance copywriting work, and National Instruments wants me to come in for an editing test as Step Two toward landing a technical writing job. These are all, undoubtedly, good things, but I'm just saying — whoa, whoa, whoa.
Lesson #4: I'm going to regret this in the morning.
T-minus five hours until alarm clock.
Lesson #5: Never blog drunk.
QED.
Okay, enough for now. I'm going to golook at porn read myself to sleep.
(Ha ha, the ol'strike joke. Halcyon of originality. Man, I need to stop drinking. But, as Danny and Walsh pointed out, if I want to be a legendary writer, shouldn't I shift my habits from sporadic overindulgence to wholesale destructive alcoholism? As Walsh said, "What's the point of mediocrity? Go all the way."
Unrelated, but he also told me: "Shut up and date someone already." I thought that was pretty funny.)
As if politics, relationships, and television weren't evidence enough that the world is a stupid, stupid place, I'm here tonight to ... well, I'm just here. They say that good writers simply tell people what they already knew, and what follows will probably fall squarely into that category. Prepare to be amazed...
Lesson #1: Never shave impatiently — especially after a few drinks.
If you do, make sure some T.P. is handy. Trust me.
Lesson #2: If you have the time to pursue an activity you enjoy, you probably can't afford it. And vice versa.
Case in point, let's say I miss black and white photography, shooting Meanest Capacity shows, and ... I dunno ... silhouettes.
Alas, my unemployed ass has not the funds for a new lens board for my enlarger nor for supplies with which to print. And my friends' band broke up long ago to pursue life, liberty, and rent money. I hear they might come back, though. Pretty please?
Lesson #5: Everything hits at once.
After floating aimlessly for the last couple weeks, wondering what I would do all summer, I suddenly have occupations galore. The Texan wants me to work four days a week, the woman up in Philly wants to send me buku more freelance copywriting work, and National Instruments wants me to come in for an editing test as Step Two toward landing a technical writing job. These are all, undoubtedly, good things, but I'm just saying — whoa, whoa, whoa.
Lesson #4: I'm going to regret this in the morning.
T-minus five hours until alarm clock.
Lesson #5: Never blog drunk.
QED.
Okay, enough for now. I'm going to go
(Ha ha, the ol'
Unrelated, but he also told me: "Shut up and date someone already." I thought that was pretty funny.)
posted by Matt at 12:15 AM
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