By request...

"(I vote for a post about) breakfast burritos."
---J.Scott Barnard, August 31, 2004, 11:01 a.m.

Little Matty's Big Breakfast Burrito
Taken as a euphimism and from the upcoming book Cooking for One: Recipes for Lives of Quiet Desperation

Ingredients:

— 1 medium potato, golden, skin on

— 2 large chicken embryos, unfertilyzed

— 1 clove of garlic, minced

— 1 jalapeno

— 1 slice of onion

— 1 tbsp sweet c.r.e.a.m. butter, unsalted

— 1 dash of olive oil

— 4-5 shakes of salt

— 6 shakes of pepper

— 44 dried rosemary leaves

— 2 squirts from a cow's udder, pastuerized

— 3 oz. sharp cheddar or monterrey jack cheese, shredded

— 1 burrito-sized flour tortilla, at least 8" in diameter, preferrably more (Tia Rosa makes a decent one)

— 1 scoop salsa of your choice (I like the Jardines Cilantro Texsalsa, medium)

Preparation:
A breakfast taco is like a battleship: there's a lot going on at once inside an oblong shell, and all of its parts must be operating perfectly in unison in order to liberate you from your tyrannical hunger. Without taking this metaphor too far out to sea, the potato is the engine of this ship, driving the flavor slowly and steadily toward winning the hearts and minds of the taste buds.

To set the stage for the potato, add the butter, oil, rosemary, and garlic to a large skillet and turn the heat on medium.

While that gets going, slice the potato into thin disks so that slices are wobbly, but not floppy or rigid.

Split the jalapeno in half lengthwise and remove the seeds, which taste like burning, then chop up the rest of the pepper.

Add the potato and jalapeno to the sautee.

Once the potato slices are on their way, chop up the onion and throw it in.

Stir and toss the mix occasionally to make sure the potato slices are cooked through evenly.

Smell the beautiful aroma. That's the waft of liberty.

Combine the two unborn victims of the Colonel with a splash of milk in a bowl. Stir until it becomes a uniform sticky goo.

Grate the cheese.

Hang some art in the kitchen or something. The potatoes take a while, and that's what I did when I was perfecting this recipe.

Make sure to cook the potatoes until they are good and golden brown. Some of the thinner slices should even be a little crunchy. The onion and a few of the jalapenos should have wilted away by this point, too. Add salt and pepper to taste.

When they're done, put them in a pan off to the side and scramble the eggs, using the same skillet if you like. Place the finished eggs into the pan as well.

Put the skillet back onto the heat and set the tortilla in it.

Spread the cheese and several scoops of salsa along the middle of the tortilla.

Slop the potatoes, eggs, etc., back onto the tortilla and let it all sit until the cheese is melted and the tortilla is warm and maybe a little crisp.

Pick up the pan and carry it over to your plate. Use a spatula to support the heft of this beastly taco as you slide it onto the plate.

Fold it over and savor the flavor fiesta. If all went as planned, the potatoes will be rich and buttery thanks to the garlic, but they will have also picked up the tang of the rosemary, the spice of the jalapenos, and the sweetness of the onions. All of which is complemented by the eggs, cheese, and salsa to perfection. Your next self-inflicted orgasm will seem tame by comparison (serves one, remeber?). Wash it down with orange juice and sovereignty.