An inside joke

Scoop of the century:

By MATT WRIGHT

A computing glitch in last week's Hancock Ballerz fantasy basketball league may have affected the outcome of multpiple matchups, according to an analysis done by the Temple Daily Telegram.

Reports document that the statistics for Saturday, Dec. 25, do not show up in online tabulations for that day, nor are they recorded in the final box score.

The league's online tracking spreadsheet shows the games on the schedule — including the much-hyped first matchup between Shaquille O'Neal (news-Web sites) and Kobe Bryant (news-barely legal porn sites) — but no statistics are recorded.

Supporters of Kremlin-backed commissioner Czar Ryan "Malik!" Hengst (news-Monster.com) claimed that the results from Saturday's games still showed up in the final tabulations for the week.

But the Telegram has found, through detailed analysis of David Harrison's records, that this is not the case. Harrison's game log shows that in the two games he played between the 20th and the 26th, he turned in 6 points, 6 rebounds, and 2 turnovers.

But the final match up between the San Antonio Breakfast Tacos and the Ballaholics says that Harrison had only 3 points, 2 rebounds, and 1 turnover — his exact production from his game on the 22nd. He is also registered as shooting 1.000 for the week, which is not the case.

San Antonio owner Matty "One Night" Wright (news-flickr), who has close ties to the Hancock government, denied any wrongdoing on the part of the league.

"Everything looks fine to me," he said, "especially this extremely tight victory in blocks I've got here."

But Ballahonics owner Grady "I have a black man's nose" Wright (news-is this old yet?) maintains that he has proof of corruption in this week's results.

G-Money points out that while his brother apparently lost out on 3 players' performances, he is missing 5 players', including Shaq Daddy's.

"The Ballerz have spoken," Wright said as he addressed a crowd of dozens while wearing a bright orange scarf. "No longer will we tolerate corruption at the highest levels of fantasy basketball. My brother must pay his due, and that due is lots and lots of Chacho's."

While there were only two games played Christmas Day, the huge numbers turned in by Bryant and Dwayne Wade could have long-lasting implications on the future of the league, opposition candidate George "Dime" Dishner offered cryptically.

Dishner refused further comment, instead pointing menancingly at a picture of Czar Hengst and making an "X" with his forearms as neon green perspiration dripped from his beard.